I Didn’t Marry “The One”

It didn’t take me long after getting married to realize I didn’t marry “the one.”

Actually, I probably had this realization long before we got married and went ahead with the marriage anyway.

Once all of the crazy endorphins of falling in love disappeared, I was left looking at the man I had chosen to spend the rest of my life with this thought: “he’s not ‘the one.’”

So why did I marry him even when I knew he wasn’t “the one”?

Because there’s no such thing as “the one.”

No really.

“The one” is this made up concept that our society has used as both an enticing ideal and an excuse to back out of relationships.



I know it sounds so romantic to believe there’s only one person in the world that we’re meant to marry and somehow God or the universe conspires to bring us together. But it’s just not true.

Think about it logically. If one person made the mistake of marrying the wrong person (not “the one”), then generations to follow them would all be incapable of marrying “the one.”

Once you do get married, however, you have decided that your spouse is “the one.” But not “the one” in the elusive and mystical sense we might like to understand it.

“The one” is the one you choose. You decide who “the one” is when you say “I do.”

Really, I could have married anyone. I could have waited for another guy to come around. I could have moved and met someone somewhere else. I could have made any number of choices that would have stopped me from meeting the man I married.

The day I got married, my husband became the one I will spend the rest of my life with.

The one I will sacrifice for.

The one I will choose to love, even when it’s hard.

The one I will care for when he’s sick.

The one I will serve joyfully.

The one I will forgive over and over again.

The one I will ask for forgiveness from over and over again.

The one I will certainly disappoint, but will continue to uphold the promises I’ve made to.

The one I am committed to.



Changing our minds from searching for the elusive “the one” to deciding on the one eliminates the excuse of “Oh, he/she just wasn’t ‘the one.’”

Marriage isn’t a contract with a clause in fine print that if you picked the wrong person, you can easily back out.

Marriage is a covenant to be entered in with the great responsibility that once you have chosen your partner, they are now the one and only one for you.

*I am in no way suggesting that there are not extremely valid reasons to leave a marriage. There are. And my heart goes out to those who have gone or are going through such difficulties.*

Married friends, be encouraged that you made no mistake in choosing your spouse. Keep loving and keep pursuing. Get help and get out if you need to. But keep fighting for your marriage if it is safe to do so.

Single friends, be encouraged that the pressure is off. There is no need to wait for “the one” to come around. Pray diligently and be wise with the relationships you choose to enter. If your season of singleness lasts longer than you expected (or maybe even forever), keep living your life. Marriage is not where life begins. Your life is exciting and has value just as you are right now.

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